Our protagonist, Mullenweg, apparently suffering from an overdose of developer coffee, declared WP Engine “a cancer on WordPress.” WP Engine, proudly wearing their newly-assigned villain hat, responded by essentially saying, “Well, we’re a very successful cancer with 200,000 websites, thank you very much!”
In what can only be described as a digital custody battle, Mullenweg blocked WP Engine from accessing WordPress.org resources – the equivalent of changing the Wi-Fi password on your teenage kid. But wait, there’s more! He then demanded an 8% revenue share for using the WordPress trademark, a move that financial experts are calling “the most expensive family therapy session ever.”
When WP Engine refused to pay this “WordPress child support,” Mullenweg generously offered an alternative: “Well, you can work on the project for free instead!” Because nothing says “open source community” quite like mandatory volunteer work.
The drama intensified when WP Engine filed a lawsuit, accusing Mullenweg of “trademark bullying” – a term that sounds like something from a developer’s version of “Mean Girls.” Meanwhile, 159 Automattic employees decided to jump ship after Mullenweg offered them a generous severance package, in what industry insiders are calling “The Great WordPress Inheritance Distribution of 2024.”
As this saga continues, the WordPress community watches in bewilderment, wondering if this is what happens when “open source” meets “closed hearts.” One developer was overheard muttering, “I should have learned Wix instead.”
In related news, Drupal developers are reportedly selling popcorn outside WordPress conferences.
Expert Analysis: “This is what happens when you mix PHP with too much ego,” says Dr. Code, a leading expert in developer psychology. “The real victims here are the thousands of developers who just wanted to make pretty websites for their clients.”
Meanwhile, WordPress users worldwide are left wondering: Is this what they meant by “democratizing publishing”? Because it’s starting to look more like “Game of Themes.”