In what appears to be the most unexpected career pivot of 2024, Wolverine and Deadpool have apparently taken up jobs with the Lima Police Department, citing “tough times in the superhero economy.” The dynamic duo was spotted conducting a drug raid in Peru, marking the first time superheroes have submitted proper paperwork before fighting crime.
Local police chief Manuel Rodriguez defended the unconventional hiring decision: “With inflation hitting even the X-Men, we got two experienced crime fighters at entry-level police salaries. Plus, they came with their own costumes, which really helped our budget.”
The operation, which successfully seized cocaine and other illegal substances, revealed several unexpected challenges:
- Wolverine had to file an expense report for claw maintenance
- Deadpool was asked to tone down his fourth-wall-breaking monologues during arrests
- Both heroes struggled to fit their costumes under regulation bulletproof vests
- The evidence room now requires adamantium-proof storage containers
One arrested suspect complained: “How am I supposed to take this seriously? I thought I was being punked until Wolverine started reading me my rights. He even had to pause to check if he was reciting them correctly.”
The department’s new hiring strategy has led to some workplace adjustments:
- Updated dress code now includes “casual Friday” and “superhero Thursday”
- Break room now stocks both coffee and mutation-enhancing energy drinks
- HR struggling to process Deadpool’s multiple personality disorder on insurance forms
- New policy: “No teleporting to avoid morning traffic”
The success has inspired other departments worldwide to recruit from the superhero community:
- Batman declined an offer, citing “conflict of interest with his billionaire lifestyle”
- Spider-Man expressed interest but worried about Peru’s lack of tall buildings
- The Hulk was rejected due to excessive property damage concerns
- Iron Man offered to consult but only for “a ridiculous hourly rate”
When asked about the future of this initiative, a department spokesperson stated: “We’re currently in talks with Doctor Strange, but he keeps insisting that interdimensional pursuit is outside our jurisdiction.”
Disclaimer: No superheroes were harmed in this operation, though several egos were slightly bruised.